This isn't a missed connection, as much as it's a missed connection. You aren't a stranger that walked by or had a fleeting happen-chance with (though we were that once). You're a missed connection due to the fact that I miss you. I miss the warm that resulted from being wrapped in your arms. I miss laying in your bed and listening to the wind chimes outside your window as the sun rises or falls, sometimes we spent the whole day in your bed. I felt like we spent a whole year in your bed, and never once did I regret wandering there. From the first day we hung out, we were lovers, though we didn't have sex, and that wasn't our intention. If I have one regret in life, it's that I never left him for you, I never gave you the attention and love you deserved, I never allowed you to have me when you were the only one that deserved to have my complete and utter adoration. I never had someone tell me so bluntly how fucked up I was, and yet you never pushed away. Instead you held me close, even when I resisted. You explained lovingly and rationally how my logic was upside down and inside out, and my mind resisted, resisted. But your persistence persevered, and I want you to know that today I am a much better person for your loving vigilance. I want to tell you how much you have done for me, and how much I still love you, but I know you do not want to hear it. I don't even have a picture of you, or a picture with you. All I have is a picture I took of myself, laying in your bed, waiting for you to get home from class, wearing your useless nerd glasses. I don't know where we went wrong, but I'm sorry for all the wrong I've done to you, and I'm sorry most of all for trying to keep you close, while simultaneously pushing you away. I've moved on in life, as have you, but I still think of you fleetingly throughout the passing days, and it's always with an aching yearning. I often used to say or do things to get a reaction from you, I believed that your reaction was a sign that you cared. I now see the folly of my ways, and how it damaged our already fragile situation. I pushed you to the brink, and you walked away. You were all that was good in my life at that point in my life, and when you left I was a broken person. I have never before or since been so broken. After that, I couldn't stand to stay in Port Angeles. Leaving was easier than staying somewhere that I had suffered because I had forsaken the work of love. You found me damaged and mangled, stood me up, and taught me to stumble, and since then I have learned to walk, and am still learning to live a good and balanced life. I miss you everyday. I know you'll never read this. Please think about me. I miss you. x. Memory Lane at Cedar Street (google map) (yahoo map)
